I am sitting here listening to Sonny call for us from his bedroom. He's been at it on and off for AN HOUR. He used to be so good at bedtime, just nursing to sleep and then staying asleep all night.
I will admit, it kind of fluffed our feathers. Yes! He IS sleeping through the night already.
We did a little bit of mild sleep training when he was 7 months old. Up until that, he slept on me.
For 7 straight months I was restrained by a very sweet, wiggly shift manager who demanded that I HOLD THE F STILL for 8 hours.
Which honestly wasn't so bad, we slept pretty well. Until we didn't.
And then we moved him to his own bed in his own room and it only took him a couple of weeks to figure it out and he was at it again, sleeping though the night.
A dream really.
And then I started working at home again, at night after he went to sleep and it was pretty good at first. But lately, the last month or so, he's not going to bed easily any more.
He's chatting to us, to his sleepy buddies, his blanket, whoever will listen. And then he is yelling at us to come and get him. And what was once a solid 7:30 bedtime has now evolved into an 8:30 bedtime with an hour, AN HOUR of heart wrenching crying and hair pulling...on both sides of the door.
And I try SO HARD to not resent this hour. This frustrating, hateful hour that we are now anticipating every night, this STUPID hour that holds me out of the studio because I can't start working until he's asleep, which means that instead of working until 11 I am now working until Midnight and then I am waking up a groggy, grumpy zombie person who shuffles around glaring at the world in general and resents having a studio in her BEDROOM FOR PETE'S SAKE, and I wonder if I should just pack it all in and get a regular job (which I really don't want to do, but maybe then I could leave work at work and have my evenings free for my family and my sanity.)
But the idea of packing up my gear makes me CRINGE. I feel like I am finally on to something here and making it happen, little by little. And if I pack it all in I will ALWAYS wonder. And regret. And resent.
So. Now that I have written this while listening to Him fall asleep, FINALLY, I am going to shut down the computer, head into the bedroom and work, really hard for at least three hours (1 am tonight folks) so that I will have some really beautiful bangles and earrings to sell at the Fox, and fill a couple of orders (THANK YOU!) and put together packages for accounts that have been waiting patiently for me to spend this time.
That I kind of really love.
Making beautiful things that I hope women will wear and love and share with their little ones, when those little one's aren't so little anymore.
So good night computer, good night blog.
Good night grumpy baby. I love you so.