Feb 12, 2013

On parenting and working from home

I am sitting here listening to Sonny call for us from his bedroom.  He's been at it on and off for AN HOUR.  He used to be so good at bedtime, just nursing to sleep and then staying asleep all night.

I will admit, it kind of fluffed our feathers.  Yes!  He IS sleeping through the night already.
We did a little bit of mild sleep training when he was 7 months old.  Up until that, he slept on me.
On Me.
For 7 straight months I was restrained by a very sweet, wiggly shift manager who demanded that I HOLD THE F STILL for 8 hours.
Which honestly wasn't so bad, we slept pretty well.  Until we didn't.

And then we moved him to his own bed in his own room and it only took him a couple of weeks to figure it out and he was at it again, sleeping though the night.

A dream really.

And then I started working at home again, at night after he went to sleep and it was pretty good at first.  But lately, the last month or so, he's not going to bed easily any more.
He's chatting to us, to his sleepy buddies, his blanket, whoever will listen.  And then he is yelling at us to come and get him.  And what was once a solid 7:30 bedtime has now evolved into an 8:30 bedtime with an hour, AN HOUR of heart wrenching crying and hair pulling...on both sides of the door.

And I try SO HARD to not resent this hour.  This frustrating, hateful hour that we are now anticipating every night, this STUPID hour that holds me out of the studio because I can't start working until he's asleep, which means that instead of working until 11 I am now working until Midnight and then I am waking up a groggy, grumpy zombie person who shuffles around glaring at the world in general and resents having a studio in her BEDROOM FOR PETE'S SAKE, and I wonder if I should just pack it all in and get a regular job (which I really don't want to do, but maybe then I could leave work at work and have my evenings free for my family and my sanity.)

But the idea of packing up my gear makes me CRINGE.  I feel like I am finally on to something here and making it happen, little by little.  And if I pack it all in I will ALWAYS wonder.  And regret.  And resent.

So.  Now that I have written this while listening to Him fall asleep, FINALLY, I am going to shut down the computer, head into the bedroom and work, really hard for at least three hours (1 am tonight folks) so that I will have some really beautiful bangles and earrings to sell at the Fox, and fill a couple of orders (THANK YOU!) and put together packages for accounts that have been waiting patiently for me to spend this time.

That I kind of really love.

Making beautiful things that I hope women will wear and love and share with their little ones, when those little one's aren't so little anymore.

So good night computer, good night blog.

Good night grumpy baby.  I love you so.


nook. said...

it's always difficult, i think.. finding that balance, and figuring how to make it work.
i actually blogged about that very thing today

but it's a tricky time to when you're teaching your little how to fall asleep on his own.. and it's oh so hard. i had many nights of crying outside of owen's room. i've been there.. it's so hard... and it passes... and you'll soon have more time to focus on your amazing business.. you can do it. xoxoxo

Jana May said...

Thanks Rebecca! I am still at it, and not ready to give up just yet!

Lisa said...

Hey Jana - I too know your pain. The cries are truly heartwrenching. I think my husband said, "I feel sick listening to this, but it's for the common good, right?".

But then, we bit the bullet. We hired a sleep consultant who gave us some useful tools. The first and foremost idea she stressed is that we had to get him to sleep sooner, i.e. we missed his "sleepy window" and his melatonin levels had waned and he got his second wind. Buh. Pushed bedtime earlier by 15 mins every 2-3 days. Instead of 7:30pm bedtime, he is going to bed around 6:30pm HAPPILY (usually 2 hrs after he woke from his nap). It means a bit of extra planning but it was so worth it for us to have him fall asleep without the tears and just as his body desired.

But really, mom knows best. Can't stress that enough. So all the luck in the world to you as you go about your sleepyland journey and being a productive bread winner!

Good luck mama! Lisa from Lucky Little Lupin

Jana May said...

Thanks Lisa! I've tried getting his bedtime to be closer to 7:30 like old times (!) but it's generally a real scream fest those nights. I'll try sneaking 15 minutes here and there like you suggest though, Maybe he won't even notice!


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